Why does it have to be a gamble?

The reason why we both have been finding faults in each other is getting clearer as time goes by.

First off, I should ask this.

How do you deal, emotionally, when you are gambling with all your heart and soul, in a high stake relationship game, hoping to come out on top?

Well, that's what we both are doing. We just keep getting frustrated at each other for what seemed like a perfectly solid reason to ourselves yet just plain silly to others.

When you're 6 months into a relationship and you have fallen so in love with the other person, that you don't want to ever be apart from them, how do you deal when, in less than a year from now, you would eventually face with 2 options? Either break-up or stay together but long distance.

There is such a fear in me that we will eventually break-up and go back to being strangers again. I refuse to lose someone I hold so close to my heart. Added with the fact that, after a year of being together, I will be even more emotionally invested into the relationship. To have to give up the relationship then, would be.... Extremely devastating.

However, I could never bring myself to part from him now. Not even for a minute. So, now it comes down to this.

How do I prepare myself emotionally for what is about to come in the future?

Do I restrict myself, emotionally, from now on in this relationship?

If I could, is it fair to do in this relationship?

Why do I blog?

Hmm.... I've always been hiatus from blogging, if you read this post you might understand why. ;)
Why do I start writing a blog?


It's not cos I want to feel famous.
It's not cos I want to brag to the world about things I have or how good I am.
It's cos I have allot of things I wanted to say but I couldnt express myself better verbally compared to writing.

I'm an emotional roller-coaster.
Sometimes its extreme highs, sometimes its extreme lows.
Over the years, so many people have told me to keep my thoughts to myself, to not be so "transparent" (to quote one of em).

What they don't know is, there so much more that I've already filtered out so many things because there's just so much I have on my mind usually.
Its easier when I was a rebellious & angry teenager, cos I couldn't care less about what people tells me.

However, over the years, those words got to me.
Maybe, that's why I don't blog much?
Each time I wanted to write about something, I am haunted by those words.

I don't have fancy events to blog about, I'm not famous nor a sociallite.
I don't have awesome photographs to blog about, I'm not a professional photographer nor do I have a pricey DSLR.
I started a blog, because me & my thoughts are all I've got, and it seems like some people finds it offensive?

When most of time things I write about are things about myself & how I felt.
Part of me regretted joining a so-called "blogging-community" because when I am myself, I am alienated but when I put on a mask, I am accepted.

I lost myself in so many ways, I guess that was just one of it.
Most importantly, I lost my strength. I didn't know how to defend myself from the people who are hurting me.

Thankfully, I reached the end of the tunnel and now I'm in the light.
I am slowly regaining my strength, my confidence and most importantly my voice.

Thanx to a few of my close friends. ♥♥♥

Ahem err hermm...

Where am I heading very berry soon? =P

The pic is just ONE stop from my 1 week itinerary.

WHEEEE!!!!

It's gonna be so awesome, I just know it but I'm gonna be so stressed from now till the day I actually leave KL.

Gotta submit some pointless assignment 5 days earlier than everyone!

T_T

Till then, its rushing assignments & attending parties all the way!

=D